Mind vs. heart and the return to the other dimension

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March 2007

So there I was, an innocent girl floating through the dense magic of an Indian adventure;

We stayed only about one week in Rishikesh, but in one day we lived so many things, that it seemed we already had been there forever. Some of you that have been to India might laugh out loud while reading my story and might think something like: “Silly girl, hanging out with those Rishikesh Baba fellows!”

And I have to say, you are right! In deed I was very lucky by meeting that particular Sadhu. I almost would say that Rishikesh is one of the places in India, where it is least possible to end up meeting a “real” Sadhu, whatever that means. Streets there are full of men dressed in orange, but a great number of them do so for many other reasons and only a few are actually following that particular spiritual path.

The town is telling plenty of very ugly stories that happened to female travelers. The real Sadhus don’t use to hang out at tourist places, might even avoid contact to foreigners, especially women and most of them won’t speak a word of English. The last one was a point. My Baba hardly could speak a hand full of words of English. At times I wondered if he actually understood anything of what I said.Our conversations were more a soul to soul thing without much need of words.

Increasingly I caught myself swimming in intense emotions and suddenly I realized that every single cell of my body was dancing a celestial choreography when I was near him or even just thinking of him.

Oh boy! Was I maybe falling in love? At this point my heart was nodding wildly, but my mind said things like:

“Come on!  As soon as you leave, he will find the next tourist ladies to hang out with! Stop dreaming!”

or

“What the hell are you thinking? This is India! You live in Europe. If there was a love story, how would it ever be possible to make things work out?”

and

“Girl, you just came out of a huge relationship drama back home, please don’t mess it up again!”

Eventually the time to say good bye had come and the intermediate score was:

Mind 3 – Heart 1

As we left with our backpacks, he asked me for my phone number. Without hesitating, I wrote it down in his address book, which by the way was overflowing of numbers and addresses of travelers. Whatever, he wouldn’t call me anyways. Why would he?  He was a Baba, living under the skies without earning any money. Phone calls to Europe are relatively expensive, so if he had some money he would probably use it for other things like food, a blanket or a good smoke I just decided to ignore my nodding heart and for once in my life give a chance to my human mind.

Back home things seemed just weird. Every little thing! How people talked and walked and the speed that life was taking place, all felt strange to me and somehow I could not really reconnect to it. Actually nothing had changed. Maybe I had changed. It was like a culture shock the other way around.

Welcome back to the other dimension!

I had to go back to work and was still sitting in the same office, doing the same job I disliked. I decided to not do anymore overtime. In the end this was not my company, so why did I work so hard anyways? I was still trying to do my best, but I started to respect my needs and did not let stress to take over. Exactly on finishing time, I stepped out of the office. I worked a lot every day and if things didn’t turn out for the company it might not be my fault but the organization’s. I just started to let things go. Wow, it felt so good!

At home, I didn’t mention too many details about my personal Indian guide. But where I went, there he was, too.

About a week had passed when my cellphone rang while I was in the office. It was strictly forbidden to receive any personal phone calls there. I left the room anyway and picked it up. I almost fainted when I heard his voice on the other side.

“Hari Om, here Tilak Nath”

“Hello?” I almost dropped the phone out of shock

“Yes, how are you?”

“Good. I miss India”

“Me missing you, too. What you doing?”

“Working. And you?”

“Me here sitting Kashi Chai shop. Chai drinking, chillum smoking.”

“ahhh…oh, nice…”

“When you coming back India? Me all time thinking you.”

“I don’t know. May be again this year. I have to talk with my boss.”

“Ok, you talking, then you coming, tikhe? You good?”

“Yes, yes, me good.”

“Ok. Bye bye.”

It was a very short conversation, but the fact was: He had called! So my mind had maybe been wrong. The connecting light between the two dimensions started to shine through at the and of the tunnel

Score: Mind 3 – Heart 2

I could not stop my head from spinning. During my yoga classes I was going through my mental disaster as usual. I had to go back! I had to find out! How? When?

Even if there might be going on nothing more than a simple friendship with my Sadhu, I wanted to return nevertheless. I’ve been dying of envy while listening to the backpackers’ stories back there in India. Why had I never done something like that? What have I seen in a couple of weeks? If all those guys found a way to take some months or even a year off, I would definitely be able to do so as well.

Ooommmm! Mama India was calling!

One day, I simply stepped into my boss’s office and asked for unpaid leave for 6 months; after all I had been in the company for almost 10 years. She seemed shocked and told me that she had to look into the matter. After some days I stepped in again and she told me, that maybe it would be possible in a couple of months. After a couple of months she told me, that maybe after six more months, but before no way! I couldn’t wait that long! I was going to go nuts in this office!

So that same day, I just quit.

It looked like this security shortcut was not meant for me; It was all, or nothing! I will never forget how incredibly good I felt when I stepped out of the office that day. It was the feeling of absolute certainty that I had done the right thing! This was not the end of my life; to the contrary, a huge gate was opening slowly in front of me. Nothing would happen because I finally quit this job or the relationship that wasn’t going well for me. Life always goes on somehow. Of course there where moments when I felt a tremendous vertigo, as if someone had pulled the rug out from under my feet. The feeling was a mixture of fear from the unknown and spirit of adventure. It took me about a couple of weeks to get some things organized and off I went with my backpack a beating heart and glowing eyes.

Final score:

Mind 3 – Heart 4

4 thoughts on “Mind vs. heart and the return to the other dimension

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